Today it seems as though my emotions are attacking me. I miss my family. I randomly broke down into an all out cry just realizing it. Also I've been wrestling a few questions in my head and heart.
I have been questioned by others about my morals and what I let others see of my "misdeeds." Just for the record, I do keep a lot to myself even on here. There are certain things people just don't need to know.
You'll notice most of my opinions on here are about boys that I talk to and not anything negative. I don't believe I have ever slandered any of my family on here but I do try to make sure that doesn't happen because I do love all of my family despite their popular beliefs.
Although my personal "morals" are not the same as yours or anyone else's does not mean that I do not have any. I just value different things in life. Mine is mostly dictated by love. I don't necessarily practice Christianity but I do enjoy learning about it and having a personal relationship with God and Jesus. I do invite people to attend church with me but I'm not one to sit there and shove it in your face. I will answer any and all questions to the best of my ability to help inform others on the subject though.
Recently I have begun to explore my sexual life. This has created some controversy across the board. Fist off I believe that sex is a natural thing to be experienced only between two people who love each other. I do believe that these experiences should be complimented with proper safety and emotional support. Just because I have not spoken to you personally about my ideals, wants, intentions, and?or actions in these areas does not mean that I have not consented to maintain safety with BOTH of my parents. I am eighteen years old and have the right to make my own decisions, luckily they have been extremely educated and thought out. Previous posts have discussed some of these safety options. Another point to be made is that its My body and I have the only rights to it.
My thoughts on marriage? Personally I believe it is only a legal ploy. Relationships should be sanctioned by God not a court. Marriage to me seems insignificant and I do not plan on engaging in it. Granted there may be that one person that convinces me but I doubt it. That person would have to convince me to have children with them.. which i do not wish to do especially within the next 4 years.
My thoughts on having kids? Well I think babies are ugly, annoying, messy, disgusting, loud, and just an all out expense as well as a blessing, a reason to keep on living, a reason to straighten up, a reason to be a better person, and a way to express a love you never knew you could have. I would love to have the opportunity to mold a human being into someone I could respect and be proud of. Hopefully this is a planned event for me because I just couldn't handle it, well i could but no one should be thrust upon a responsibility like that without being at least a little prepared. I am proud of myself for making it past my eighteenth birthday without ever having sex once because most of my family had their first child at sixteen or seventeen. I think that my personal responsibility is to be safe and happy in my adulthood since i successfully lived my childhood abstinent.
I am freely expressing these opinions. I am not remorseful of any sexual act I have done and admit to being happy in my current lifestyle. If you have a problem with anything about me, feel free to say it to my face up front but don't expect to change or influence me.
I have had this live journal for about seven years and not once got a comment from anyone other than my friends and family ( none in the last few years) until I started talking about sex. Just an observation.