stevie-rae (stevie_rae) wrote,

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Relationship choice.

Dear "You"
           Me being the symbiotic little person that I am, while mommy and ian were having a heated discussion i decided to reflect on my own situation. I started thinking about how I am not as happy as I could allow myself to be. I was happy with Alex. I have so many people in my life that could make me happy. There are obstacles in my way to all of them, BUT the one in my way of him is me. Although he broke my heart and I just let it happen, I think that he could make it up to me for a short while at least until he graduates high school. So why not give myself the chance to be happy instead of wallowing in my misery? 
          I won't be too bold about it at first but i will get my point across if its the last thing i do socially for a while. I think I will procede in the same manner as he did. He has been writing this poetry on myspace bulletins..I will post them later im on a seperate computer at the moment. But the gist of it is that he speaks of this girl, whom closely resembles me, that he is still in love with and he is asking her to make the moves. He wants to know that he is wanted before he makes a fool of himself telling her that he made a mistake by letting her go. I was angered by this pathetic attempt because I am tired of having to make all the moves. I wrote this in response to his poems;

A surfeit of Feelings

jumbled up in a heart shaped mass.

Ranging from endless to Infinity.

The smallest atomic element

swaying the obvious emotion..


Why do they Torture me so?

How can they Expect me

to Predict their feelings?

I am only an innocent girl..


Tell me, TELL ME!

guessing is not my Forte..

You can't expect me to make

the first move,

because it won't happen.


What about what I want?

Happiness, safety,

someone who cares

enough to stay.

I had it, it was taken away from me.


All I really want,

like every girl in the world,

is to be Needed.

Needed by someone who

makes them feel

Invincible not Invisable.


How do you do that?

By telling them

three simple words,

I Love You.

          I wanted him to see it but im not sure if he did or not. He hasn't written anything about her since. I changed my mind about making the moves last night. I figure that if I am the one who wants something than why wait for t to come to me? So I wrote this letter last night that I will convert into a poem and post on myspace so that he can see it. Hopefully that will give him the courage to come up to me in real life and bring up his feelings. I plan to have things the way that I want them by monday. It is national Kiss can infer my plans. Anyway here is the letter:
         I still love you.
         Like I said, I will always and forever keep the feelings that I have for you. I've kissed four guys since you broke my heart and none of theirs compares to the feeling I get from yours. I've come to accept what happened between us and put it in the past but I can't silence our memories... They haunt me day and night and as the days pass by, you continue to be there no matter how much I pretend that I want you to disappear. You are forever keeping me guessing but I can't help to see that you seem to be carrying some mysterious burdon that happens to melt away as I talk to you. Just as soon as you try to pretend that it isn't there I can see it again. Why can't you be straight forward with me for once? Stop sending me mixed signals and get your point across! I have to focus on many people at one time to keep me from feeling the extent of my agonizng love for you. You are not perfect and by far more detatched from your feelings as I would like but you make me happy.

       Well thats it and I can't say that its perfect but it deffinitely represents how I feel about the matter.
much love,

Tags: boys are stupid
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